freely searching.

Welcome to the life of false anxiety attacks and toothy smiles.

I tried to find myself this year; tried and probably succeeded. 

I have gained this new thing called independence,

not just from the natural withdrawal of my parent's insurance, but from learning for myself.

My body can now function without manipulative strangers.

I'm Free.

When you find yourself alone in a crowded place, you learn to think for yourself.

And I did.

I know what happened from August to May,

me and my head introduced each other, and questions were answered,

and the rest of the world will never understand. 

Higher powers call it growth, and they encourage me to continue in my insight,

I'll make them proud.

My posterity can read my Journal entries from this past year,

I'll briefly read through my awkward phrases and redundant metaphors,

briefly...

then i'll focus on the blank pages, where college boys and heavy books and english papers and burnt macaroni and grass stains and Sunday drives and expired bread and cleaning checks and reunion lunches will occupy the open spaces in my refreshed mind.

ah.

that sound's nice.

I'm a former hypochondriac and enjoy a good milkshake. 

or in other words,

I've found myself.

Savers

Jacob Smoot is, what he thinks, a regular 28 year old man just beginning to figure out what life is. He has a beautiful girlfriend and a steady job. He was in a "unexplained" accident when he was 20 and can't remember his life before, but he's now content with what he has. While on a business trip in Seattle, Washington, he walks into a restaurant and passes 6 people who stare at him as he passes by. Being paranoid, he immediately walks out, but only to find all 6 of them surrounding him. They tell him that he was the President of a secret time traveling organization called "Savers" years ago.  The 6 people explain that they are the team leaders within the organization and how they thought he was dead when he was abducted from the "Takers" 8 years ago. They Savers couldn't function without him and shut down the organization, leaving the world to potentially self-destruct. The leaders ask him to restart the organization to fix the past and future world that the Takers have destroyed. 
Can he trust the 6 people?
Would he be willing to leave his perfect life to believe in the Savers?
With his memory loss, will he be able to handle the risks of the Savers Organization?

3 years

This is something for the pre-highschoolers,

who dream for the day of walking out of their mothers mini van to the doors of independence

You're hormonal and stupid,

put down your Juicy Juice and listen

***

Change is only for the better

Find friends who make you smarter

Fall in love, Don't be in love

Try out for things

You'll have awkward door step scenes, accept it now

No boyfriends/girlfriends or unnecessary PDA; Use perspective

Take AP classes

Listen to Music Artists your age, they can always say it better

Love your parents, love your curfew

Do one SMALL act of stupid rebellion, just to tell your kids someday

Go on Sunday drives, it's relieving

Be friends to every Stereotype

Bring your own lunch to school

Go to Dances and Football games

Have crushes

Talk to people who eat lunch by themselves

Go to midnight movie premieres

Buy people pretty cupcakes when they're sad

Have dreams past Prom and Graduation

oh, and

Watch the High School Musicals 

because there's something about going into High School with high expectations..... don't be shocked when the only spontaneous song and dance comes from a kid jamming to punk music on his ipod after a math test. It's called reality.

Good Luck Tweens
May Puberty be ever in your favor

Selections

"So you want to know how your life will turn out?"


"Absolutely!"


"You won't like it."


"It can't be that bad."


"You're going to fail. You're going to realize that life doesn't consist of warm nights and hot breakfast. His hand will break from yours and you will feel worthless. You're going to have 526 sleepless nights, where your thoughts will run too fast. You'll make excuses, too many. To your own disappointment, you'll learn the hard way and have unrealistic dreams. You'll get wrinkles and stretch marks. At times, you won't be prepared for whats to come. Your family will be tested, your children will suffer. You'll have unexplainable heart ache and feel isolated from the faces around you.
You're going to fail, darling. I'm sorry."


"how...how could thi..."


"You're going to succeed. You're going to realize that life is like warm nights and hot breakfast. His hand will break from yours and you will feel opportunity. You're going to have 526 sleepless nights, where your thoughts will be too happy to rest. You'll make excuses, everyone does. To your own relief, you'll learn how to grow and have endless dreams. You'll get smiling wrinkles and stretch marks from having children. At times, you will be prepared for whats to come. Your family will be tested, your children will understand. You'll have a big heart and feel included in the faces around you. 
You're going to succeed, darling. Congratulations."


"What?...I don't understand. Which one?"


"You choose."

wordy

A picture is worth a thousand ONE word.

Who claims their worth anyways?

Dang those cliches.

Here ya go.

Directioner

Summer

Perspective

Listening

Dinner...

Eager

Dwightable

Blossomed

Frigid

Kings of Insecurity

We began as extraordinary, remember who you are

Come, Listen

when you have nothing to say

because it's all been said earlier.

It's one of those days.

baby fat

You all know our dear friend.

Joshy darling.

Well when he was a pre-teen (before puberty furnished him into a hottie)

he was in a little film called Little Manhattan.

Chubby piece of funny right here.

Watch for yourselves.

Letters

Dear 33 year old mothers driving shiny new Mini Vans and Escalades,
You all have a tendency to pass me on the highway,
The highway with 6 miles of construction and bright signs that read a clear "45 MPH"
Maybe your Gucci sunglasses block natural light and the fury in my eyes 
Your nail appointment can wait.


Dear Older Sister,
I asked you to safety pin a small hole in the butt of my pj's,
the bigger hole you intentionally ripped was...special
I can now decipher the room temperature from the large breeze brushing past my legs
Weather Report, 45 degrees with a hint of sibling abuse.


Dear High School
The stereotypes are horribly incorrect,
I've never broken into song and dance in your hallways
and my children will never hear stories about sensitive football jocks who broke my heart.
I haven't changed into a "new person" 
and "the best 4 years" haven't applied yet. 
But, you've been enjoyable. 
I'll always remember those daydreams in math class, 
I'm about to live them.


Dear Car Rides,
Music was made for you.
Sunsets and rolled down windows.
We might feel unstoppable with you,
driving "recklessly" through Alpine neighborhoods..


Dear Future Husband,
Find me at age 24, i'll catch your eye.
I'll be wearing your favorite color and have my hair up in a messy bun.
We'll fall desperately in love but we won't admit it until our 11th date.
You'll propose to me with cheesy inside jokes on top of a mountain,
I'll stare into your sunlit greenish blue eyes..
you always captivated me with those eyes.
Our wedding will be in August
and we'll be happy.
Incandescently happy

Sent and Delivered.

eggstatic

 

Welcome back into my life.

Your crunchy shell and ....

that inside.

that chocolate inside.

that inside.

I'm waiting for more of you in my Easter basket,

Come soon my dear.

sparks flew

Magic

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,

Eddie touched a troll,

Laurie danced with witches once,

Charlie found some goblins' gold.

Donald heard a mermaid sing,

Susy spied an elf,

But all the magic I have known

I've had to make myself.

-Shel Silverstein

I'm jealous of these kids.

Sandra, Donald and the others with names from 1974.

I've stopped watching Dragon Tales and Magic School Bus.

I might have lost the spark.

take me somewhere imaginable.

Sunlit Eyes

Because it feels like summer.

And I crave..

chalk drawings, outside sleepovers, bike rides, and windows down in the car while i'm driving to the grocery store to pick up strawberries for the 4th of July picnic. 

I smell the grass under my head and mango syrup on my snow cone.

I remember dancing to Demi Lovato on the front lawn and making music videos that would be ridiculed if they were ever viewed in public. 

I miss jumping on the tramp. Learning back flips.

I hear the neighbor kids flirting and hear teenagers plan road trips.

I know that every summer,

 I'll watch too many movies about summer romances and secretly want one myself,

I'll lay out and get burned,

I'll dream of the beach,

I'll spend too many days sleeping and mowing the lawn,

I'll wear white eyelet sundresses and buy 3 pairs of sunglasses,

I'll dream about my future and the summers to come.

Until then,

I have march...not even worth capitalizing the m. 

and march madness (very small sarcastic "yay")

and Hunger Games (which is too glorious to be talked about)

but,

 none of this compares to coral nail polish and hot summer days.

hm..patiently waiting

sleepovers and star gazing

Sleeping dreams are the fantasies you can't take hours pondering about. Some overpowering neural system in your brain creates these momentary visions.
 Pointless.

But the real dreams, you know the ones you fantasize about for years, changing them constantly with the new things you discover about yourself,
 they're...something.

Dreams.
Goals.
Adventures.
Acting Stupid.

You all have your bucket lists

go live them.

Bunny Slippers

Scruffy boy man bands.
They sing those slow songs you danced to with an awkward pre-teen back at those Stake Dances.
That was probably a hard memory for you to go back to, I apologize.
With Goo Goo Dolls, Lifehouse, Switchfoot, Fray, Coldplay, and Snow Patrol, I sleep like a 4 year old child on baby tylenol. I appreciate these men. They're like a warm pair of socks.

Oh, and did you know that these two were married?

Victoria and Jim (or biologically known as Emily and John)

Seriously, adorable.

They probably slow dance to man bands too.

Limited.

If "embarrassment" and "awkwardness" didn't exist

We would talk to strangers.

There would be too many kids signed up for the talent show.

We'd have less pills.

PDA would be everywhere.

Puberty would never be acknowledged.

He'd ask her out faster. She'd say yes faster.

Door step scenes and first encounters would never be thought out before.

We wouldn't recognize a blush.

There'd be a rise in streaking.

And

We'd be braver, stronger and capable of better things.
Courageous things.

Hungry.

Sometimes I have dreams of being hungry....and..playing games...isn't that weird? I don't know where it comes from. I've been thinking about coal and fire, and I occasionally imagine this hummingbird type thing fly by me and repeat my words. I have a craving for all types of bread and often feel camouflaged in mud and plants. I only see one date in the back of my mind. March 23rd. It's not tax day or the day for my hamster's appointment to the plastic surgeon. hmm. I katniss figure it out. 
Is it because of the movie The Hunger Games?
questionable.

Deep Sea

We claim to follow traditional "life cliches." We compare our life to casual ideas. Because the description of our life NEEDS to sound profound. We have to answer the question, "Life is like a...." because its creative, right? Life is like a worm's dried skin. That might of been philosophical or a random thought from the right hemisphere of my brain. Either way, you're already finding connections. We need to find metaphors and similes and symbols and personification and resemblance and correlation (carried away?) to describe Life. Life is simply breathing and feeling. and death....it's just a scary bridge to Life part II. 

Cows

Because one day I traveled to St. George. I passed those uttered fools chomping on dead grass. I said hi. I saw that sunlight and that open land. I thought I saw Travis riding on Miley's horse, Blue Jeans, in the distance, it was actually tumbleweed. I might of watched the Hannah Montana Movie too many times. I danced to Chris Brown and slept to Country music. Why I only dream of traveling through these empty fields every day? It was some sort of peace. It's different around those parts. Here, I could spit from my house and hit the neighbors back door...uh..metaphorically speaking. Anyways. 

I found Mr. KFC and his wife on the mountain. Their heads all snuggled up like fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

Dorm Room Monsters

Fears (shiver). We all have them.

We're scared of zits, commitment, and bad hair days...teenage hormonal stuff.

Personally...

I'm scared of that little big thing called the future, or lately known as College. It takes one of those nouns we tend to be scared of, courage. But it will be fine right? I'll take my fluffy blanket and hand sanitizer. I have nothing to worry about. But..fears of starving, failing, and dying my white clothes pink in the laundromat constantly haunt my inexperienced mind. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. 

What?. when did this get here.

Well, time's up, I have to be ready now.

That's my real fear.

           

naked.

I'm bare of thoughts right now.
hmmm. how bout those giants?
oh wait. they already won.
sooo.
the facts.
Through talking to myself, I plan out rejection lines to my imaginary cheating boy-friend.
When the supervision leaves, I dance, hip-hop style.
I pace around the kitchen.
I watch too many music videos.
I stalk other blogs, beware.
I doodle.
I 'whip my hair back and forth' in the car.
And I have dreams about Chase Hansen (only once, phew. good dream)

love eulogy

I’m thinking about YOU like drums think about beat,

Like losers think about defeat.

Because for YOU, my feelings repeat    repeat    repeat.

I’m thinking about YOU like colors think about white,

Like storms think about might,

Like birds think about flight.

YOU’RE thinking about HER like life thinks about breathing,

Like breathing thinks about living.

YOU are lost in HER manipulating.

She’s thinking about YOU like Kim thinks about Chris, 

days dissipating.  

But still,

I’m thinking about YOU

Like foundations think about shaking,

Like black holes think about taking,
Like rules think about breaking.

tea and finger sandwiches

oh you like British romance movies too? Well, thats ironic. This movie will make you crave british accents and history books. Young Victoria is about Queen Victoria's early reign. It's good, almost too good. 



Sorry boys, my girlish posts might not attract your attention. Too much estrogen? I understand. Maybe i'll write about mud or legos next week. 

Lovey Dovey.

Love. We have it, we flaunt it, we abuse it. We dream love. It's where we find soul-mates, companions, and unexplained feelings. 

And now, welcome Hollywood into our perceptions of love. First up, we have Jonas Brothers. Their good old-fashioned take on a WWII love story can melt a 13-pound bar of chocolate. They are teenage heartthrobs, and look so good in those white tuxes. Is it getting warm in here? Maybe the computer’s been on too long. hmm. any who...enjoy. (Their video won't show....so go to this link)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_cXhBy78T4


oh you cried a little bit? I figured.
Moving on. 

Next, a little bit of Chris Brown.. today I listened to all of his sappy love song music videos. hmm. it's been a good day. This is "Crawl." Enjoy his dancing and his beautiful face (with those glasses). 

inevitable introduction

Introduction.
 I guess I will satisfy the current demand and write one, if you insist. So hello...(awkward web silence) . Well anyways, this blog will be full of spontaneous teenage thoughts. My life in words won't be like the dramatic story lines of T-Swift songs, but they will be entertaining. So stay tuned, and we will enjoy this tender journey together.